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We will always be 10 year olds

On the bus today, I thought about all the nasty fat jibes my mother has subjected me to through the years. I think the worst one was when my toilet seat broke, because I stood on top of it to get to some insect high up on the wall, jumped and landed badly on the seat. She said my thighs were just too big and I should get rid of them instantly so I will not further damage furniture in the house! Sometimes she can be just mean.

Which got me thinking, we will always yearn and seek for approval from our parents. These governing figures in our lives, right from the very beginning, the ones we tried to impress with our crayon drawings and top marks in chinese spelling. The ones that smiled and patted us on our backs when we made it to triple science in secondary school, when we became prefects, made it to officer cadet school, the ones that beamed at our graduation, celebrated with us when we got a promotion. The fact that they are happy, makes us happy, because deep down we are relieved that we have not let them down, we've lived up to some of their expectations, and that they are proud of us. We have not failed them as children.

I will always be my mother's daughter, but at some point, I will grow up and learn to be me. Mof said before, you can never truly be your own person until to move out of home. I suppose it's true, but deep down I know, the invisible umbilical cord that binds me to her will always be present, and will manifest itself in my esteem, belief system, value judgements and approach to life.

And you know what! All this was triggered off by the fact that I am peeved that I have now developed disgusting uneven colour on my arms, due to the fact that I constantly feel fat and refuse to wear sleeveless tops.
No more sleeves!
Grr...Got to work on that self image and tanline.
It's either I slather on sun block on the dark areas or bake in the sun for half a day.
I think I'll go sleeveless this weekend.
Then again, maybe not.