The Gnomes Made Me Do It!

Emotionally I was feeling really low today, but what else is new right? I'm just generally fucked up, and you all probably think that I'm some self pitying sod that had nothing better to do other than to mope and winge about how life is unfair, unjust that I should be getting better, asking Why me? Wishing you could just bitch slap me and tell me to SHUT UP already, (yea, that would be quite nice actually), that life is'nt so hard that I should stop being a helpless barking bitch constantly seeking for affection, waiting, needing, hanging my heart out on the line, that I should grow some balls, work on my self confidence and self worth before even talking about the future, that this is'nt all there is to life is it? Is it? Sick of this stinking rat race, want out, wallowing, drowning, waiting for some sort of divine intervention, always seeking for more, utterly selfish, uncaring, evil, pretencious wanker of a slut, whoreing myself to mediocrity, to the everyday things, settling, procrastinating, back stabbing, boring old self, looking for a renwal of sorts, spiritual? intellectual? complacency seeping out of every possible orifice, procrastinating, languid, impressionable feeble minded yeilding little person, spinless childish, vengful plastic girl, wanting out, running.

It's just one of those days.

I'm shallow.
Food makes me happy.
Edwin and Jen, touched down from Sydney this evening, dove across the island to bring me heaven on earth. God my friends are the best. If it was'nt for Trina bringing Krispy Kreme's from Sydney last year and Edwin and Jen's so-sweet-I-go-cry-now efforts of love, I would not have had the chance to sink my teeth into the delight that is Krispy Kreme.
Thank you friends.


The newly weds; THEY BROUGHT ME KRISPY KREME!






Shifaa and Hendri, faster chop which one you want, do not allow me to finish them all!
Pam, In chilli crab fashion I will foil wrap them, put them in a pastik container and kindly pick it up from the post office.
Trina, more glazed doughnuts?

Posted by sideshowjo at 8:46 pm | Permalink | Comments

I am completely poofed today.
Started the day with a slew of meetings, followed by a workshop, then a board meeting after. Argh! I could hardly keep my eyes open when I came home to the family entertaining Auntie Suzy who was on visit from Italy.
Was running on pure adrenaline to keep me going, and after the workshop, came down from the high and crashed really badly, headache, watery eyes, nausea, the works baby!
But admist all this, my comms team managed to perk me up and recharged me for the evening's meeting.

Good colleagues make all the difference,
and it helps if they are way off kilter and Koo Koo.





Shanghai Mamasans


Rock!


The Comms Team

Posted by sideshowjo at 11:56 pm | Permalink | Comments

Screw this nihilistic approach
This stinking decaying carcass

Same
Different
Different
Same

Place me on the sacrificial altar.
I am but a lamb

Posted by sideshowjo at 12:21 am | Permalink | Comments

WHERE ELEPHANTS FLY!

www.parachutecircus.blogspot.com
My Favourite KL girl is now a blogger, go see her preety peektures.

Posted by sideshowjo at 12:15 am | Permalink | Comments

ahh, just got back from a fund raiser.
One down and 5 more to go before the month is up, groan.
Yesterday, we spent 4 hours in the board room, 4 fucking hours.
How's that for inefficiency.
Well, it was not one's fault really, but it resulted in me switching off after 2 hours:




Oh! The enthusiasm




Horrendous past office hour photo, oh well

I can't believe I travelled by taxi to eat KFC in Orchard, afterwhich proceeded to join in the friday night taxi queue for 15mins to catch a cab home. Crazy? I think so too.
I am really poofed and think I should hit the sack.
Night

Posted by sideshowjo at 10:49 pm | Permalink | Comments

On Saturday I ordered something on impulse.
You see, I had to follow mom to one of these Tai Tai charity fairs, which had a sit down dinner after (THE PAIN!). Mom was lounging around chatting with Auntie so and so, so I had to tend to the stall for her.
Next to our table were these 2 very sweet, very gay Thai Boys.
They were selling semi-precious earrings, Think Big, Think Loud, very long, very dangly, razzel dazzel, pearls, gems, silver...Mmmm, maybe I was confused by all the bling, maybe I was bored, but I ordered one for 90 Buckeroos!

So as of Sunday, the lovely Thai boys have been calling me to go pick up my purchase. But you know the the kind of feeling you get when you think you've bought the oh-so-perfect pair pf pants, only to go home to rip your purchase out of your shopping bag so the narcissist in you can parade yourself in front of your full length mirror (that actually touches the ground, none of those off the ground slimming bullshit) only to realise that you'd rather be dead than be caught wearing something that makes your legs look like pork sausages.

Damn
I really should not do things on impulse.

Posted by sideshowjo at 11:10 pm | Permalink | Comments

Hei
Originally uploaded by tooth fairy.

COLD CHINESE TAKE AWAY- Hei, the new ice cream by Awfully Chocolate is...quite simply...Delicious. A complete delight for the senses. And! They serve it up in these cute little chinese take away boxes.

Posted by sideshowjo at 11:43 pm | Permalink | Comments

I can feel the steaming hot stinking stench of sulphur closing in round my soul.
No doubt about it,
I am evil.

I have failed to do volunteering for the past couple of years, and eversince I started working in this not-for-profit NGO, I've become so jaded that when people tell me their sad stories, it's failed to evoke any compassion or empathy whatsoever.
This self-centered approach to life cannot, WILL NOT go on.

Posted by sideshowjo at 11:29 pm | Permalink | Comments

The subliminal message from our dear Government - If you've met the right one, don't be picky and hurry up!

Honestly, They should have an article written by a guy too, Trust me.


Jan 31, 2005

WHEN MR RIGHT COMES AT THE WRONG TIME

Timing is everything, even in love. And when you are not ready to commit, you could end up regretting it

By Janice Wong

SOMETIMES, timing rather than love decides who we end up being with - or without.

Only some lucky people marry the loves of their lives. The rest marry the most suitable person who comes along when they are ready to settle down.

A friend in his 20s came to this conclusion after confiding in me that he had recently met a woman who is more attractive than his wife, and so occupies his thoughts more often than his wife does.

'If only I had met her before I got married,' he said wistfully.

But I think even if the love of one's life appears when one is single, one may not be in the right frame of mind to recognize him or her as such.

And then love passes by.

Life is littered with near misses and lost opportunities.

I attended my ex-boyfriend's wedding last month, which triggered many memories.

We met five years ago when I was 23 and he 31. It was love at first sight.

He had an established career, was down-to-earth and steadfastly religious.

I was then working as an air stewardess and my head was - literally and metaphorically - in the clouds.

I was also - well, let's put it this way - not religious.

Despite our differences, we were soulmates. We had the same quirky sense of humour and shared long, intense overnight conversations.

But human nature is perverse. When someone is excessively nice to us, we start taking things for granted, instead of appreciating them even more.

My ex sent me to the airport, fixed my PC, reminded me to take health supplements - and go to church.

He had everything I could want in a husband - except that I was not looking for one. A boyfriend was all I could cope with then.

I loved fast cars, danced wildly at Zouk and took off on shopping holidays at a whim. My life revolved around I, me and myself.

In the six months that we were together, he popped the question several times and talked ad nauseam about having children. He wanted us to enrol for a Christian marriage preparation course.

Yes, I did often fantasize about a Vera Wang wedding gown, but I was at that stage of my life when I was more interested in Guess than Baby Guess.

And where - dare I admit it? - I still wanted to meet other men.

So I was a 23-year-old with the emotional maturity of a 13-year-old. Responsibility? Wasn't that for adults?

In short, I met Mr. Right at the wrong time.

The more he talked about marriage and religion, the more I felt pressured and the more pressured I felt, the more irritable I became.

I was too impatient to compromise. Every trivial matter blew up as a big deal. My mood obliterated the good in our relationship and reached a point where I just wanted out.

He was heartbroken; I was sad but relieved. He still called me regularly, beseeching me to change my mind.

The calls stopped finally after a year. Now and then, we say 'Hi' via e-mail.

I had a few painful relationships after that. Served me right, as those rude wake-up calls were necessary for me to realize the meaninglessness of my hedonistic high life.

I missed the tenderness of my ex and began having second thoughts.

Perhaps I also felt more urgency to find someone marriageable before my biological clock reached zero hour. It dawned on me that I am not a pixie like Peter Pan who can flit around forever. One day, I'd wake up sick and alone when my fair weather friends flit away.

But I was too proud and too unsure of my ex's reaction to call him until last year.

The first thing he told me excitedly was that he had found The One. My heart tumbled to my feet. So, that's Fate.

If only I could turn back time. If only I had met him later. If only... what feeble words.

These days, I am more circumspect. I have come to terms with my loss. There is nothing I can do about timing, but I can do everything about my choices.

Sometimes, when the nights get lonely, I toy with the idea of marrying a platonic friend of mine, who often assures me earnestly that, if the worst comes to the worst, he'd be willing to marry me.

But I always dismiss that. I have already made one mistake. I should not make another by settling for second best merely for the sake of getting hitched - only to regret it soon after, as the guy who confided in me did.

Hopefully, the best is not over but yet to be.

Posted by sideshowjo at 3:51 pm | Permalink | Comments

Dashboard Confessional ROCKS simply cause they've cashed in on the one topic people can relate to: Love. Songs about lost love, angry love, remorse, the jilted lover, first love, you name it they've covered it. Listen to their unplugged and you can hear EVERYONE singing along to their lyrics like a Mantra.

I've been listening to A Mark, A Mission, A Brand, A Scar repeatedly on my way to work each morning, and just as the bus makes that turn headed towards Clifford pier, the morning sun rays bounce off the water and shines it's brightness straight onto my shredded heart, 'The Ghost of a Good Thing' comes on, and as I listen to their lyrics, I suddenly feel understood.

I guess it's luck, but it's the same
Hard luck, you've been trying to tame
Maybe it's love, but it's like you said
"Love is like a role that we play."

But, I believe in you so much
I could die for the words that you say
But, I believe in you so much
I could die from the words that you say

But, you're chasin' the ghost of a good thing
Haunting yourself as the real thing
It's getting away from you again
While you're chasin' ghosts

Posted by sideshowjo at 6:36 pm | Permalink | Comments