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I hate our new maid.
And although I may use the word hate relatively loosely, I DO mean it.

Before you jump to conclusions and think we are one of those families that beat our maid senseless, make her squat at the foot of the table to eat her dinner or only allow her the use of detergent to bathe, let me tell you something about the maids in the Lo household.
Every domestic helper that walks through our front doors automatically becomes family. Think of it as an extended holiday of sorts with some light housework and cooking.
All our maids gets EVERY sunday and public holiday off, use of the home phone freely, a set of house keys to call her own, presents at birthdays and Christmas, fat ang pows during chinese new year and mom makes sure her friends give her some money at the end of their mahjong sessions simply for waiting on them. My father also gives her extra allowance every month for the washing of his monster car.

Her room is furnished with her very own TV (even I don't have a TV in my room!), and my previous maid inherited my old laptop so she surfed the net at night, sharing our broadband. She is free to have a handphone or boyfriend, we are quite flexible really. Our motto has always been, we respect you as a person, you respect us and our home.

You often read in the papers about maid abuse, but on occassion, you do get employer abuse.
We have suffered under the wicked and hurtful actions of a few of these ungrateful foreign bitches. They come, steal our money and jewellery, chalk up large phone bills, bring boyfriends into home, lie, soil my favourite white top Gawddamnit.

The new one unfortunately falls into this category.

Our list of maids from hell
**Disclaimer: This is absolutely non-racist
1. Auntie Mary: A china wet nurse that took care of me till I was 4. The bitch slipped appetite enhancers into my food that won me the title of 'baby sumo' among my relatives. Those fucking pills have screwed up my metabolism since and that is why I am the way I am simply by breathing.

2. Lai: Filipino man look alike. Cared nothing for my brother and I. Used to bathe us with her skanky feet so she could talk on the phone and need not wet her hands. BITCH!

3. Imelda: Fat Filipino fuck from hell, mother bitch of them all. This fat slut pilfered from us, cooked up a story about her daughter being involved in an accident 2 months after coming to Singapore. Mom rallied help from friends to raise funds for this 'ho. Bought her an air ticket and gave her a fat sum so she could go home to be with her daughter. Found out that she was lying and was actually planning to elope with her new found sri lankan lover that she met in Singapore. What a slut! Mind you, this fat slut has 5 children back home. We got her deported and celebrated her departure by eating Johnson Lok roast duck and drinking beer in the kitchen. My mother ate 2 whole ducks by herself.

4. Ranme: Current one from Sri Lanka. Stole money from Dad and mom. After confronting her, she still persists in her rampage, tampering with my father's safe just last week. Washes our door mats with our clothes! Bitch! Even after repeatedly telling her it's unhygeinic, she STILL does it, thinking no one will find out. Pure disrespect and laziness.

She has got to go.