WINEY WINGEY AND FULL OF SELF PITY. Spare yourselves the read
I am feeling damn depressed.
The anxiety of being unemployed has passed and now it's just despair and endlessness. There doesn't seem to be an end to this wait, this pointless, languid, useless existance. Even the organization I wrote to to offer my hours as a volunteer while I wait this out has not replied. Geez. This isn't good for one's morale and self esteem. I'm not typically a constant homebody. It's not like I don't like being at home, I'd rather be in bed reading or surfing the net than at a club with thumping tunes. It's staying at home with no purpose, I'm not unwinding after a hard days work, it's not my sanctuary anymore, it's my prison. I'm reminded that I've been left behind while the rest of the world continues, while people rush for meetings, get excited about projects, run on adrenaline, bitch about bosses, the whole corporate shingding. Or perhaps others are going away to pursue their dreams, to further their studies, to pave the way for their sucesses. I've canned my dreams about doing medicine, of ever going to Med school, my ship has sailed, and it's just to Fucken bad for little old Jo that she didn't do the whole CARPE DIEM TO THE MAX and work her sorry butt off. It's just TOO BAD JO! So I got accepted for BSc Human Bio, so what? They can't tell me how many exemptions until I get to Australia? What the hell is that? I can't spend another 3 years in University pursuing another degree just to get into Med school. I simply can't. This is it. I have to go out and make decent money, support myself and climb up the ladder. How can I when no one's even willing to give me that chance to take my first few baby steps. Maybe I should just sell out and go back into Communications, I mean, I've got a year of experience. Why do I have to choose something so specialized? Why can't I just be good at marketing, or sales (No offence to all my marketing and sales friends, you guys have the talent)? Why do I have to want to be in an industry that would acutally make a fucken difference. Why should I bloody care? I'm 26 and I'm stuck in a rut. Things need to get a move on, I can't play this waiting game any longer.
I am feeling damn depressed.
The anxiety of being unemployed has passed and now it's just despair and endlessness. There doesn't seem to be an end to this wait, this pointless, languid, useless existance. Even the organization I wrote to to offer my hours as a volunteer while I wait this out has not replied. Geez. This isn't good for one's morale and self esteem. I'm not typically a constant homebody. It's not like I don't like being at home, I'd rather be in bed reading or surfing the net than at a club with thumping tunes. It's staying at home with no purpose, I'm not unwinding after a hard days work, it's not my sanctuary anymore, it's my prison. I'm reminded that I've been left behind while the rest of the world continues, while people rush for meetings, get excited about projects, run on adrenaline, bitch about bosses, the whole corporate shingding. Or perhaps others are going away to pursue their dreams, to further their studies, to pave the way for their sucesses. I've canned my dreams about doing medicine, of ever going to Med school, my ship has sailed, and it's just to Fucken bad for little old Jo that she didn't do the whole CARPE DIEM TO THE MAX and work her sorry butt off. It's just TOO BAD JO! So I got accepted for BSc Human Bio, so what? They can't tell me how many exemptions until I get to Australia? What the hell is that? I can't spend another 3 years in University pursuing another degree just to get into Med school. I simply can't. This is it. I have to go out and make decent money, support myself and climb up the ladder. How can I when no one's even willing to give me that chance to take my first few baby steps. Maybe I should just sell out and go back into Communications, I mean, I've got a year of experience. Why do I have to choose something so specialized? Why can't I just be good at marketing, or sales (No offence to all my marketing and sales friends, you guys have the talent)? Why do I have to want to be in an industry that would acutally make a fucken difference. Why should I bloody care? I'm 26 and I'm stuck in a rut. Things need to get a move on, I can't play this waiting game any longer.