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The dangerous lives of altar boys

The catholics had to attend mass yesterday, it was a day of obligation, the ascension of the blessed Mother Mary. Nomally, even after much chiding from the mother, my brother and I would miss mass. But, there was no escaping this one, as her Godson Stefano was receiving his first holy communion.

As my brother and I sat in the FIRST pew facing the alter, sweating buckets and listening to the priest belt out pslams in his constant minor pitch, we found ourselves being constantly distracted by the flurry of activity by the altar boys. These altar boys were truly a sight to behold! They were so fidgity and restless, and one of the lead altar boys sitting next to the father during mass had demonic death metal drawn converse shoes on (Don't get me wrong, I am totally for youngsters and Christian rock music, but these shoes had goat's heads and pentograms). They truely stole the limelight from our blessed mother. At one point during the mass, all 10 of them had excused themselves to the back and there was nary an alter boy in sight at the altar. My brother leaned over and whispered "Something's gone seriously wrong back there..." to which I replied "Ya. You should know.". I sat there waiting to see if smoke or screams would eventually make its way front.

As most "good" young catholic boys with excited mothers have had the previlege of being at some point during their young prepuberscent years, my brother too was given this "blessing" by OUR dear mother. It was the Good Catholic thing to do, you see, your son being an altar boy. Now what mummies don't know is that most boys aren't altar boys out of choice. Yet from the outside, the geriatrics sit there and look on lovingly at the promising young boys of tomorrow, proud that God laid his hand upon them and whispered to his chosen flock to come forth aid him in the celebration of his body and blood.

Altar boys should only put on their cassock if they truely feel that they want to partake in the rememberance of Christ, to serve God, and should be done with deep and profound respect, not with inattentiveness and death metal shoes.

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Family Portrait